I never really did go away for good- just a little hiatus while I recovered from my recent back surgery. Add in some colds, Christmas, leaky window issues, money issues, car issues and squabbling children issues… I just needed to go AWOL (and a little crazy) for a while.
Holli is 6 and the twins are now 3 ½ and in preschool for the first time this winter. Which means, of course, they are bringing home every cold and ick-bug imaginable. And, of course, in the process of learning to share, they have “shared” every single ick-bug with me. This last one was a doozy- sick for 2 weeks… and counting. The husband catches nothing. The butthead.
Anyway, even through all the sickies and drama there’s always laughter and our home seems to be full of it… for one reason or another. Whether it’s Lauren’s burps that can be heard throughout the house or Amber’s insistence that our cats are dyslexic and say “yuum” or it’s Holli streaking through the house, shaking her booty and singing “I’m a nekkid child”, there’s always something happening.
My kids are constantly cracking me up. For example:
* One night, in the middle of eating dinner as a family, this is what Holli started talking about:
“Mom, I have something to tell you. One of the cats didn’t bury their poop and I could smell it all the way in the other room.”
Needless to say, I wasn’t really much in the mood to eat right then.
* And Amber…. during naptime, she unzipped her sleep-n-play… yanked her diaper totally off…. and zipped her sleep-n-play back up. Grandma found her sitting in her crib, playing with her diaper when it was time to get up
* Lauren comes to me after she fell down and says,
“I bonked my head.”
Me: “You want me to kiss it and make it better?”
Lauren: “OK”
I kiss the forehead. “There, does that feel better?”
Lauren: “No.”
Apparently I no longer have the magic healing kiss.
* Holli constantly makes up reasons why she can’t stay in bed. One night she comes downstairs and I say,”Why are you out of bed?”
Holli says, “Why is there a rooster crowing?”
“Because it’s a nighttime rooster. NOW GO TO BED!” Who says I can’t be creative late at night?
* So for dinner Saturday night we went to a Chinese place (and Holli had a hamburger) It was pretty big so we cut it in half. Afterwards she insisted she wanted the other half taken home for lunch the next day.
The next day, I take the hamburger out of the fridge and put in a plate asking my mom about how long should I nuke it so the bun won’t get too hard?
Holli shakes her head and says, “No! I want it like this!” I asked, “Cold?” and she nodded. So I let her take the hambuger. She takes a big bite and her face just melted. Her jaw dropped open and I could see the burger in her mouth. I say to her, “If you want to spit it out, go right ahead.” She goes to the garbage can and spits out the cold hamburger. Then she comes back to me and says, “You can warm it up now.”
Sometimes we don’t need the kids to ensure hilarity:
At Christmas Jeff gave me this fancy alarm clock, all modern and sleek. You can set it to wake you up with an alarm, radio or your favorite CD. I like the radio best since that annoying “beep-beep” usually makes my head hurt. And I’m not a morning person at all. This fancy clock will wake you up at an automatic “low” volume setting then gently increase in volume until you are fully awake. Sounds great, right?
Umm, no.
I set the alarm for 6:15 and at the radio setting.
At 6:15 the thing goes off FULL FREAKING VOLUME to some loud, bouncy, rock song!
We are both bolted awake. Jeff sits up flinging his arms and I nearly fall out of bed. I’m hitting the alarm button which, according to the directions, is supposed to shut the alarm off. But it’s not working. Jeff is saying, “turn it off!” I’m yelling, “I’m hitting the damn button and it’s not working!”
Pull out the manual and yep, it’s saying “to turn the alarm off, press the alarm button” I’m still pressing but by now it’s very hard and I’m practically beating on the clock.
Jeff now has the booklet and reading and I’ve got the clock in my lap and I’m hitting every freaking button including the snooze alarm and nothing it working.
FINALLY, I hit the “stop” button for the CD player and it finally shuts off.
I muttered something about trading in my “smart” clock radio for a stupid one with a manual volume control as I stumbled out of the room.
And finally, a song all of us Moms can relate to.
(Sung to the tune of Wonder Pets)
The twins…
The twins are screaming….
The twins…. they won’t hush up!
Where is Daddy when you need him?
Where is Daddy when you need him?
Where is Daddy when you need him…. Hurry up!
